I teach Twin Flames at theXblog.org
As my own Twin Flame story grew, another development in my spirit companions with the influence of a False Twin changed the course of how my writing on Twin Flames became more and more angry and cynical.
After the discovery of Vic and Joe, Anton and I could not have been happier – the four of us could not have been happier. We were only vaguely aware of the other souls present, and we blocked them out the best we could, and for the most part, they were virtually non-existent in our reality for a long time. We were planning future lifetimes together like kids in a candy shop; what we could do by the four of us was an incredibly exciting thought. Since we had past life memories together, Anton and I, as well as Alex and I, it was difficult to think that Twin Flames would not reincarnate together multiple times, or that we were in our last incarnation. Even if we had to decide to be the last people on this planet, we decided we wouldn’t move onto the spirit realm until we absolutely were forced to let go of physical life forms – we were enjoying the idea of being here ’till the end of time all too exciting to pass up on. Far cry to only a year or two before, when the only exciting thing I could imagine to look forward to was my own funeral. (Not that I was suicidal, I was simply bored sick of normal life.)
To begin with, we were still fighting the idea of a Quadruplet Flame, we thought Vic and Joe would only be our soulmates who, eventually, would find their own Twin Flames, if they weren’t that to each other, which was what we initially thought; a pair of same gender Twins who were heterosexual, but without a sexual connection to each other. Cruel fate, we thought, but, if the spirit had decided so, that’s what it would be. We figured that either way, it was probably going to be a temporary solution, us four living in a polyamorous relationship in our next incarnation, but as much as we tried to envision it, there was no keeping Vic and Joe away for longer than a couple of days on a job, then they’d return back to us, happy as ever to see us. Eventually, we had to agree that this was the way we wanted it; all of us four living together from here on to eternity, whatever label you’d stick on us.
We quickly came up with fantasy scenarios to fill up a small eternity worth of lifetimes, all the ways we could enjoy having found each other, losing each other again and finding our way back to each other – as young as possible as not one of us wanted to repeat this experience, having lived a good chunk – over half our lives getting messed up in denial that what we wanted was each other and everything that went with it – absolute love, acceptance, and carnal lust at the top of our wish list. In the incarnations here on in, we decided we HAD TO be more savy than what we had been in this lifetime, and that we should bring about events that would bring us together faster than this time around; self-awareness would be the key to achieve that outcome.
The arrival of the female Twin Flame; a False Twin
In mid October 2012, I woke up to the sound of the voice of my former best friend… Let’s stick a name on her, just for practical reasons; Ariel. I could not have been happier to hear her voice, I hadn’t even realized how much I had missed her and her sense of humor, although the last time I saw her, I couldn’t wait to get to the other side of the world to be away from her. She is the same one who was always trying to push Alex and me together, and who had a strong grip on everyone’s lives whether they wanted her help or not.
At first we were laughing hysterically at everything that we’d been through, and the guys had to take a second seat. I knew they didn’t like the way we were behaving, and I couldn’t stop apologizing about it, but, for two, three days there was no stopping it. Then, I had to force stop it, because I didn’t like being hysterical, it is not the way I want to express myself and it is certainly, not sexy, and that, in the presence of my guys was unacceptable.
In the beginning, I completely accepted that this was my female Twin Flame, non-sexual similarly to Vic and Joe, I figured she was to me what Vic and Joe were to each other, and in a sense I could see us four being “an item”, but then… Things started to go bad.
Being in the middle of a soul conversation, my true feelings for her started to bubble up without me being able to stop it from happening and her feeling my true feelings. I, quite unwillingly, insulted her after insulting her, because I did not approve or like some of the things that she did or was about, and all of that is hard to suppress in a soul-conversation, hence the reason why they are so good at solving issues between Twin Flames or soulmates, in good or bad, and eventually, I understood the level of resentment and mutual hatred that existed between us, as much as we both had denied it. Essentially, we had been locked in lifetimes worth of competition over two things: Spiritual purity and attractiveness to men. I… Was winning, but resenting the fact I felt like I had to give her a percentage of all my happiness, she resented the fact I wasn’t giving it up voluntarily… anymore. It was like she had always held a right to 10% of everything that came my way, and suddenly, I felt my men were no longer mine to give to her, and I could no longer emotionally order my men to like her, like I had always done: “If you want my favor, you will love my friend, too.” In our previous incarnations, she had married several of my Twin Flames (True Spirit Mirrors) who had to, due to monogamist ideals, settle for someone else rather than myself, and she would have been the next one in line; They would always associate her with me, and that, to a desperate man, is better than nothing. That is one possible explanation to the fact that my men (of whatever soulmate type) always came in pairs of two; I would pick one, she would have the left-overs?
The cause of my anger and the change of tone caused by “a False Twin”
As I became more and more aware of the dynamics between us over lifetimes spent together, I could no longer simply ignore my resentment as I’d always done in the name of… being a good Christian (or similar). I’ve always held high values and standards for myself (apart from such things as sexual purity but those are values I do not believe in, therefore they are not something I would ask of myself). The things that mattered to me were things like giving everyone a chance, forgiveness, acceptance of difference, being charitable, giving when you have more than the other, (giving out of your excess,) that sort of thing. This had created a strong bond to Ariel, who was counting on me to keep doing what I had always done from the day we met her who knows how many thousand years ago. Twin Flame theorists would call this bond a False Twin Flame bond or possibly a Karmic Soulmate. (I call this an Active Partial Spirit Mirror in the Mirage Spirit runner/chaser modality.)
I had become excellent at feeding her false ego. It was as simple to me as the air I breathe. I didn’t realize I was doing this, what I thought I was doing was to be kind to someone who couldn’t help it even if she were quite aware of what she was in the eyes of other people, and I tried to shield her from that realization the best I could. One of my values is to never lie, so I became so good at complementing her honestly while still not saying too much about how I really felt, such as… One time I remember having been all out of excuses for why she had such poor luck with men, and although the real reason was plain to see for anyone apart from her, I told her, in order to encourage her, that… (remember we are Finnish) “You are the embodiment of what any stereotypical American man would want out of a girlfriend; you cook, clean, you are chaste, and you don’t nag at men.” A good, wholesome girl, right? I knew she would never put the real meaning of the sentence together: “Stereotypical” meaning a man that doesn’t really exist but a type of belief or idea that people have of “American men” in our neck of woods. Also, considering I knew she would never even date an American man even if such a wonder would come her way; she is one of the people who do not believe in marrying foreigners. She would have also believed that I held American men in higher regard than the Finnish variety, therefore making the compliment even bigger, while she could ignore the fact I mentioned “American” while I still, did say “stereotypical American man” ie, a fantasy character. Thus, she could never find out why that sentence, although, technically true, was simply smoke and mirrors designed to make her feel better in that moment. Unfortunately, that compliment stuck with her, in an edited form: “I am the perfect girlfriend every guy would want.” I never corrected her on that, if she believed that this was what I said, my job was done and my conscience was clear. I must say I felt like pumping the air when she swallowed that hook, line, and sinker, considering I came up with it on the spot and under pressure.
Our relationship, in the physical, turned a little sour without her probably noticing. She simply thought I was being difficult and selfish, when I simply had had enough of our friendship. We were flatmates at this stage and more and more I started feeling like her husband rather than her best friend. I felt like she had taps on me wherever I went, and that she felt like I was cheating on her when I had other friends beside her. I also wanted to cut ties to her and find new friends, and the more irritated of her clinginess I became, the more I started going behind her back and avoiding telling her what I was doing when I wasn’t with her. (The cheating type of a husband. 😉 ) Long story short, already before I met Alex, I had decided I wanted this friendship gone, but I felt tied to her in a way I could not quite explain. Like we were married.
When she returned in the spirit realm, granted, I was happier than I ever thought possible. I was quite surprised at my own reaction, and I suspect there might have been an effect of surrounding spirits thinking that this was quite friendship-romantic, which does influence one’s own emotions momentarily, but I can’t really dissect that too far; I felt happy to have her back, until the old emotions started to resurface. Ever since then, I’ve tried to cut the contact on the spirit level, and no matter what I tell her, she doesn’t seem to take seriously, and the countless of posts I’ve written about Partial Spirit Mirrors attempting to force the role of a Twin Flame on the wrong person, come from my own struggle to free myself from the connection to this woman, without me realising she has been the one I’ve been talking to; in the spirit form, she has taken a role of “one of my readers” anonymous ones, so I’ve thought she is someone who reads my blog and REALLY NEEDS TO HEAR THE MESSAGE… But it wasn’t. I don’t think she reads my blog.
She is also the source of resentment I probably feel for a whole heap of women, her, and my other troublesome relationship; That to my mother, but I will leave that story to another time.
Multiple Twin Flames required a new terminology
In November that year, Ariel had taken up the role as my main spirit guide, pushing Anton aside by force. In her mind, a man could not be what she could be; wise and just, and she would not hear any of our pleas to go and leave us all alone. To her, love meant “to not give up on someone”, meaning: “to not let go of someone no matter how much they beg you to.” In addition, she, in a way, “started selling tickets” to our lives, inviting more and more people to “see the show” of “her best friend” doing what I do, creating a constant stream of people moving through my consciousness. We lived in an aquarium, and we still do. It is a miracle I am as sane as I am, even if I am completely gone bonkers in the eyes of many people.
The ticket selling was my ticket to the minds and souls of an unlimited number of people; in other words, no matter who I wanted to talk to would answer me without me having to do anything but to think about them – often without any control over the matter at all, either way. This has forced me to consider everything from every angle I have had the ability to think about it, and, this is one of those moments when you realize that you do get what you ask for, even if it doesn’t come in the form you wanted it or asked for it. I hold an endless curiosity to human mind, and there was an endless supply and access for me of human minds around me. In some sense, I could not have been happier, and in the other, I was still observing the mind of Ariel and how her stubbornness had altered the course of my life in this lifetime and in countless of others.
At this time, Anton, Vic, and Joe were still quite convinced that it would be us four and us four alone, until, one day, Ariel woke me up to tell me something. I needed to hear some men who wanted to tell me that they, too, felt they were my Twin Flames, or, True Spirit Mirrors as I started to call them later. I am not going to tell you the number of them because I do not know it myself yet, I don’t wish to count. 😀 Let me just tell you, that “a twin” doesn’t even begin to cover the possibilities, and, “communal living” is much more descriptive of what I see my life being turned to. 😀 And yet… No matter how many challenges we’ve faced, we still don’t see the possibility of adding another woman into our group.
I had no interest in polygamy prior to this experience, and now, I can’t stop talking about it. Still, I feel there is an insistence among my spirit following “to choose one”, one over all the others and to throw all others…. Back into the sea. I am fishing souls, people, I am the fisherman of souls. Fisherwoman of men’s hearts and souls. 😀
I will save you the Poly Twin Flame -post from this series, if you are interested in poly-relationships, I am sure it won’t take me long to get to that topic.
False Twin Flame fighting for his/her freedom or Twin Flame denial?
You must be very careful when you are chasing someone because you will have to accurately assess whether or not this person is in Twin Flame denial or if they are a False Twin fighting for their freedom from you. The difference is usually that a person with a true feelings toward a Twin Flame would feel HONORED to be in their company, let alone to be their loved one, NOT ENTITLED to it. Entitlement IS NOT a feeling Twin Flames feel for each other, they feel or would feel absolute gratitude for even being able to call their Twin Flame a friend, let alone something more.
The ability to let go of someone is usually the first thing Twin Flames need to learn before there is even a snow ball’s chance in hell for them to get back together. False Twins fear this idea more than anything because they can sense the “Twin” will jump to the chance of escaping – but a true Twin Flame will want nothing more than to be together with their Twin Flame, otherwise, that is not a Twin Flame bond.
I think I have blogged about this dynamic enough to last a lifetime – if you care curious, please comment or email me and I will add it to the series, but if nobody wants to hear from it, I’ll avoid the topic from now on. I will have to return to it at some stage, but I think everyone having been reading my blog is sick of it for a while.