Meeting my Twin Flame and how my beliefs changed

I teach Twin Flames at theXblog.org

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the series Twin Flames

I have a few things to say about the concept of Twin Flames, considering it was the starting point of developing my own theory I named the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology. I will write those things in this series of posts and hopefully, I will be then able to leave the topic behind for good and focus on my own theory alone. I will try and make this as complete account as possible just to get it out of my system.

In the late 1990’s I met a man who I fell in love with at the instant that our eyes met. Completely, irreversibly. I am still in love with him, and there is no changing that fact, what I saw in him will forever stay with me, regardless of how he feels about me. I had not heard of such thing as Twin Flames at that stage, but I remember telling people stuff like: “he is me in a male body” “I have known him forever” “we will be together, if not in this lifetime, then the next.” I knew I had known him for eons, and I had past life memory flashes of him – mainly of him being decapitated for something he wasn’t guilty of, blaming me for it. Two weeks after my first flashback, he took a tattoo across his neck, where the blade would have cut his head off, with latin words saying: “Sentenced to death.” I probably looked like I had seen a ghost when he proudly presented his new tattoo to me and my then best friend.

My feelings for him were not the feelings of ownership, I did not feel like he owed me love or that I had to force him into a relationship with me, although I wanted nothing more, of course. (He probably felt forced by my then best friend though, who simply couldn’t leave the topic alone and who was constantly coercing and pushing him to me.) I never felt jealous of him, all I felt was complete love and adoration towards him, and a feeling that rendered me speechless when I was near him – so often I couldn’t find a word to say, but I could have sat next to him forever if I could have. Looking into his eyes, nothing else in this world existed, he was all I needed, and he is still, everything I will ever need, but, as I discovered later on, he is not the only person who can completely fulfill me, and yet, there is never going to be anyone who could take his place. The way I feel about it now is that you can write a beautiful piece of music with just one instrument, you can compliment it with another instrument, and you will miss nothing… But still there is nothing quite like a symphony.

My love for him was completely unconditional. I could have never demanded for love from him – I asked him, I felt he would have been happy with me, but when he told me he wasn’t interested, I took his word for it, even though I kept telling my friends, that I can’t believe what he is saying, I feel like his eyes are telling me one thing and his mouth another, and I can’t take his word for it, because his eyes are contradicting them. I FELT his love so clear it was like a blanket wrapped around me, but I didn’t feel like I could argue about it, if he didn’t want me, he had his reasons, and that had to be the end of it.

After being shot down every time I raised the issue in the course of 5 years, I forced myself to forget about him. I decided I didn’t know anything about true love, and that I would have to be sensible, and married a man who I had a great connection and friendship with from day one. I convinced myself that true love was calm and based on friendship and that what I felt for the other man was simply hormones or juvenile dreams that will never come true. I did a visualization in which I locked him inside a coffin, wrapped chains around it, buried him deep in cement and forgot him there. For a while, I wondered how I had ever been so hung up on him, weeks before my wedding I was thinking about every boyfriend (a great number of them, I had, too) in my mind, but not him. I was surprised to find how easy it was to forget about him in the end… And then, out of nowhere, he returned back into my mind. I hadn’t seen him, nobody would mention his name in my presence like it had magical powers, but somewhere, I felt like he had come back to ask me how I was doing. And that was the beginning of the end of my marriage, into which I went after telling my husband that there is a man who can break us up with a half a word, this was before he proposed, however. I don’t think my then future husband took me seriously, or maybe he did, hence his very quick proposal after less than six months together, and who could blame him, he is an awesome guy, he was there for me, and who in their right mind would be pining over a guy who barely ever spoke to me.

His return led me deep into spirituality; ironic, considering he’s an atheist

I sensed his return. I lived on the other side of the world, but suddenly, I kept thinking about him. For a year, I didn’t say anything to my husband, because I hoped I would know what to do, I had no intention of divorcing him, ever, no matter what. I felt restless and without direction, so I started looking into spirituality a bit more as a natural evolution from life coaching studies I had begun, one thing led to another, and in the beginning of 2012 I found myself in the possession of a little magic tool called a pendulum. Magic… Yes. Nearly, anyway. It would spell out messages from the unseen world with a swing of an invisible force moving it around an alphabet chart. Much like an Ouija board in principle, but not nearly as creepy.

I was married, so I wasn’t exactly planning on contacting him or anything, I simply thought about asking about it… What happened with him? What was it? All I could receive was that he loved me, and that made no sense at all, given the question. Now I know the person answering me was my already former best friend, presenting herself as a spirit guide, with no more answers to give me than what she would know in the physical form.

He joins me in spirit

It took him perhaps two weeks to join the spirits surrounding me. This sent me to a tailspin, I thought, at the time, that you couldn’t converse with living people through spiritual means, and I was afraid he had died without me knowing. I will gladly forget this part of the story, for it is beyond confused and immature and result of complete ignorance of the spiritual realm, but, as a result, I found out how he truly felt for me, and what had caused the rift between us; him not believing I was in love with him, truly… So I wrote him a letter. 11 pages worth, aiming to explain it all to him, every last part of my reasoning. By then, I had already found the descriptions of Twin Flames, and I figured that was what this was about and, didn’t I just mention them in the letter, too, saying I thought we were such. Not a smart move, considering he’s an atheist.

I had a strong need to get back to Finland, thinking I would meet him there and I could hand him the letter in person and have a good talk over it, but I felt I could not do that while I was still married. Only weeks before I was supposed to leave to Finland – by the invitation of my parents who, out of the blue offered to pay for my trip that I didn’t ask for – I had to tell my husband what was going on. I asked him if he remembers me mentioning the guy with a power to break us up with half a word… I told him I had not met him or heard of him or anything, but that I had to accept the fact I was still in love with him and therefore felt that I should not be married to another guy. He understood me, but he asked me to respect his mourning period by postponing the trip to Finland by another six months so he would have enough time to get over our breakup because I still didn’t want to leave Australia, after all, I had no real reason to believe my Twin Flame had changed his mind. He told me, however that he felt I was going to meet “this guy” in Finland, and that he couldn’t handle that yet. He probably thought I could just pick up the phone and ask him on a date, right? LOL. Funny. (All Twin Flames know the feeling.) I thought his request was more than acceptable, so I stayed for another six months, but I felt OK about sending the letter to him in an unusual way, considering I only had his phone number and I had to figure out how to fit 11 pages on a text message…

I got brutally shot down yet again.

The explanation my mind in collaboration with my so called spirit guides came up with to explain his answer would blow your mind. It contained everything from soulbrading, to coma, death, and multiple personalities. I do not wish to get into that.

Twin Flames can hide from each other by avoiding eye-contact

Anton takes his place and becomes my Twin Flame

At that stage, another soul took his place. My spirit guides and I, amongst whom I always felt a gentle, loving male presence, could not explain why my Twin Flame was still not responding to me, so all of those explanations resulted into this gentle male spirit morphing into his role. I named him Anton for not being able to hear names. If I had heard his actual name, and could have told his physical identity, I would have never accepted him as my Twin Flame, for he was married to someone I love and care about and I knew it. In this state of being, however, he was without his physical identity, and his loyalty for his wife didn’t interfere into our relationship, and a long time, we believed him to be non-incarnated, but looking to find a walk-in body. Spirits are very strongly affected by psychology; if you don’t want to think you are married or even the person you are, you can assume a role of anything or anyone that will make that alright. (Those of you who have “tuned in” later on, would find it inconceivable of me to have entertained such concepts as walk-ins ((A walk-in: A spiritual phenomena of the original soul of a certain body leaving the body behind, another one taking it’s place as a mutual agreement of “not wasting a viable body” when the original soul wishes to die.)) or non-incarnated twin flames or soulbrading ((Soulbrading: A spiritual phenomena in which two souls reside in one body; multiple personalities.)) or any of the sort. Currently, I view such events plausible but even if they occur, inconceivably rare.)

Anton was a gentler version of my first Twin Flame, who, by a later discovery has the same name as a recent incarnation of mine; his name used to be my nickname, his best friend, who I was dating and how we met, has the same name as my lover of that same lifetime, who was, however, not the same man but someone very similar to my first Twin Flame. For the rest of this time, I will call him Alex.

At first, Anton and I believed that he and Alex had lived in a soulbrading in the same body, and that Anton was my actual Twin Flame and Alex was the man who couldn’t stand me; that is how we decided to explain the fact that one moment Alex was completely in love with me and the next he told me he is not the slightest bit interested. Of course, we soon came to understand the running behaviors of Twin Flames, but at this stage, we figured that was the best explanation we had. Currently, I have much better idea what causes Twin Flame running, and how none of it needs a “spiritual” explanation, psychology, although understanding the couple’s past lives help a lot, is quite enough to explain it.

Anton and I started studying the spiritual phenomena of Twin Flames or Twin Souls as we decided to go by, based on a higher popularity of the term Twin Soul on Google, and we started a blog together, TwinSoulRevelations.org, which is still out there collecting unsuspecting Twin Flames closer to a better explanation for their experiences. 😉 Although Anton wasn’t there with me in the physical, he could have just as well been, our connection was incredible, we were simply enjoying every moment of creating our blog, we loved every post we wrote, everything to us was a marvellous revelation – hence the name – and we were speeding through discovery after discovery, finding out one thing, that cancelled the possibility of another thing, and piecing the puzzle together was the best fun I’ve ever had.

The two became four Twin Flames

At this time, we came to contact with two male spirits who I knew about but who I did not know personally, and we made instant friends with them – or at least – Anton did. At the time, Anton was my spiritual agent, he talked to other spirits and relayed what they said back to me. That was brilliant time for me, because I was still quite protected from a whole bunch of spirits from entering my consciousness left and right. He, the same as Alex, were both able to block other spirits from my consciousness and we could have complete privacy, at least the way it felt to me. So, gradually, the other one of these two male spirits started talking to me directly, without Alex’s relaying, and we hit it off so fast. We had the best fun, he had the best sense of humour – or he found me funny at least – and before we knew it, I felt the same kind of chakra pull and a soul connection to him as I felt to Anton.

We freaked out. I felt like I was cheating, but even more so, the whole idea of a split soul came crashing down. At first we fought it, didn’t want to admit it, me and Anton, that was, but this man, Vic, he gleefully simply insisted that this was nothing to be worried about, it just so happened that a two or three guys were in love with the same girl. Stuff happens, right? So, we relaxed. So the first question was: was this simply normal love combined with lust or was this, actually Twin Flame -stuff. Which was it; Anton and I were not Twin Flames at all, or the Twin Flame theory was simply incorrect? Upon studying Twin Flame signs connecting me to Vic with several signs, while his friend Joe was so obviously, when we thought about it, a Twin Flame otherwise; our characters were completely alike, I was, even more so than in the case of Alex, a female version of him, down to our body types; he could easily pass for my father or my brother, depending on our age difference. I felt like each of these men, Alex included, were so similar to me I could say “he’s me in a male body”, but compared to each other, they were all different, and I felt like the person I was in relation to one of them was just another aspect of who I was in relation to the next, like I was standing in the middle of a mirror hall; each mirror reflecting just a different angle of my character. So we concluded that it was the latter; Twin Flames were not a result of a split soul,

As a conclusion, we decided the Twin Flame theory had at least one flaw; they weren’t necessarily pairs of two. Even with this realization, I wasn’t yet able to consider the idea that Alex had been a genuine Twin Flame, too. It took me four years to figure out who “Anton” was, so deep was our resistance to acceptance of who he was; I was able to completely miss this connection by my habit of avoiding eye-contact with all married men. I believe my previous incarnations have been raised in a strict religious environment such as modern Islam, making sure that women do not look men in the eye. Me being somewhat of a bad woman, I simply avoid looking in the eyes of married men, or boyfriends of my friends. The reason is simple: Looking in the eyes of your Twin Flame, or, more accurately, your soulmate, your True Spirit Mirror, will reveal the soul connection, and that revelation is irreversible, once you know, you can deny it, but you cannot really unknow it, and it is truly about knowledge, not really about attraction but knowledge; in the soul, you and I are connected.


Currently, I teach Twin Flames on the basis of an advanced soulmate theory the Personality Mirror Soulmate Typology at theXblog.org.

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